Ringgren

The absolute power of words not spoken, can bring down even the strongest of men. You find the words take hold, despite the silence that accompanies it. He doesn't need to say anything, because you already know. The pain that exudes from his eyes, tells you everything he feels. It is not about right or wrong, or even the way he curls his smile. It is to power of being, the better part of someone when they fall short. When he finds his courage again, you hope that he will extend it to you. To be that light in your world, when everything casts shadows. When you try to give someone, a part of your soul. You know that, you're ready to love again.

My thoughts they wander, like ants crawling across the sand. Migrating to a new place, filling the world up with patterns. They are like a swarm that keeps coming, and refuses to settle down.

Maybe, there's a reason for all the pain. Maybe not? But what I know for sure, is that we can't take it all at once. I tried to be the good person, to give of myself, in the right way. Without hurting any one, or myself. I know I am not perfect, in any way. No one is. Really.  But, I also find it hard to imagine a world where there is less pain.

I’m a magician.  Finding the wonder, in the wild.  I’m a magician.  Believing in goodness, in my life.  You’re a flower, which blooms, in my mind. I let my heart flutter, with the possibility of love and light. And visiting this field with you, gave me a serenity, that I am lucky to have found. 

Sunset over my heart, A falling star that does not shine. It is like I feel swallowed by the waters. Imagining myself drowning in fire. I want to yell, I want to scream. Demand to be saved. But I can ultimately only save myself.

There are thoughts in my head that I cannot escape Thoughts that are slowly and surely making my head cave in I don't want to feel like this, like I am slipping back into the old pain. But I am. I am afraid. Afraid that I will lose myself to the old memories. Never let go of those, and never be in charge of my own life. Never accept that something has passed and new things take hold. Not able to let someone love me like they want to, for fear of being left behind. Because what if they let me believe in that love so deeply. Folding into an abyss that is vast. Like a blanket covering my eyes from the truth of what I have. I don't want to have these fears. Carry them around like a heavy backpack. Full of misery and pain. Stopping my growth and letting me fail all over again. This time, because of my own self. I am better than these thoughts, I am stronger. If I fall in too deep, that is because I want to. And I deserve to. It is all I can truly be anyway.