Ringgren

There is a mountain between me and the moment. Even though I am in it, it seems so far away. It is like an unreal fantasy. Capturing the time and whisks it away.  And there’s nothing I can do about the pain that might come. The incidents are occurring more and more often. Stealing mindful moments. Blank slates, being eaten alive by frustration. The wonder seems it has lost its power, over the many impulses of my being. I don’t see the escape in the future, nor do I see the magic in the now. I contemplate, what the point of the human condition is. Because there is only one thing that I desire, and it’s the feeling of contentment. Maybe I will never grasp happiness. Oh, what’s the point of worrying, when oblivion is settling in.

I love the smell of flowers, and the way a soft fabric feels between my fingers. I love the flash of colours on fancy stationary, and the way that crystal clinks. I love the pitter patter of rain when I'm in bed, and the way that sun warms everything up. I love the freckles on my skin, and the way that my eyes focus. Because in all of these things, I find me, the person that I am and love.

His eyes twinkled as he walked across, the fresh snow that covered his garden. His haven of peace and tranquility. It was a transcendent feeling, as the snowflakes whirled around him. The cold turned his breath into crystals, and his hands started to shake. Yet he never wanted to leave, the white silence of this treasured place. His thoughts however wandered while strolling. To a time where the sun shined, and his laughter was not a lost memory. To a place where he twirled with another, in moments of embraced intimacy. His heart ached at the recollection. The winter was kinder to him, quieter and did not remember. It was like a blanket over the past, and a shield against the hurt. But somehow it was failing him. Images of her golden dress, that glistened in the never ending sunlight, captured his mind and his heart. He had fought so hard to forget, though it was all but a charade. When his guard was down. His heart was unprotected, and the light flooded ...

My feet, can't find the beat. Your eyes, tell me lies. The dance floor, begs for more. I just want to leave. The song, moves along. Your hands, are in my pants. The dance floor, begs for more. I just want to leave. ---- Why do we do this? Why are we here? I don't want to pretend. ---- The drink, thrown in the sink. My smile, gone for a while. The dance floor, begs for more. I am going to leave. ---- Why do we do this? Why are we here? I don't want to pretend. ----

When I told you not to call anymore, it was not a suggestion, it was an order. You seemed to forget all the horrors, that you inflicted on me. Too bad, that I don't forget, even though I have forgiven. Your face when I told you to go, was my vindication. It reaffirmed that I had changed, and my strength had taken hold. I don't think you expected, that I could finally fight back. The tears did not mean that you had won, they were a testament to, what I had forgiven and let go of. The anxious nights and the fear. The absolute paralyzing jealousy, when you once again lied to my face. I still do not understand, why you wanted to hurt me. All I ever did was love, a man that did not have a soul. You can't change a Devil, posing as an Angel. To this day, I struggle with the why's. Why you pushed me to the edge, why you acknowledged you were bad for me, and still kept pressuring for more. I guess, I learned the grea...

I don't know if you notice the way I look at you. The way my eyes linger just a little longer than normal. The way you make me smile, in a way that I imagine is lighting my face up. I almost feel like bursting every time I see you, because all I want to say is how much your mere presence makes me feel at peace with the world. I've always felt out of touch before, like I was born in the wrong time, the wrong place. I used to feel so disconnected with the world - like I just didn't belong here. Until I met you... I wish I could just tell you what I feel inside, but I fear being hurt again. I fear being told I am not good enough. Not pretty enough...smart enough. I make due by pretending. Fake it till you make it, they say... I wonder if I will know when I make it? Will there be a difference? I know I am putting myself up for failure having all these thoughts, instead of just living the life I have in front of me. However, this is who I am and I have made my peace with it. I t...

We tried, we give it our all. We made the effort, we had the right intentions. We did the therapy, but our scars never healed. We didn't do anything wrong. We talked till the sun came up, danced around the emptiness, that grew ever larger. Our wishes were not granted. I hope you can forgive, me as well as yourself. All I ever wanted, was for you to be happy. I did everything in my power. I still love you as much as I did then, but some times love is not enough. We wanted different things, craved different lives. I don't resent you for it. I hope you can move on, and think of our love, as a triumphant chapter. Because you deserve, a transcendent happiness. I remember when, you slept in my bed for the first time. How you curled in the sheets, and pressed your eyes closed, at the invading sunlight. I remember the day, you said you loved me. How your lips curled, and you took my breath away. I will never forget your light. Our book has come...

The way the waves crash in the bay, makes my heart weary. I am afraid of the water, and its unpredictable nature. Just like he makes me feel. Unpredictable and unreliable. Maybe that is what keeps me coming back for more. I study the white foam lapping at the shore. I wish I could be swept away, in the timeless waters. Disappear in the breeze, as the summer rain cleanses. You let me down again, and I seem to only, be able to wish for more. I had a dream about you. That's why I'm standing here, hoping the water takes me away. I find it hard enough, to breathe when you're not here, haunting my dreams is crippling. I wade into the ocean, and dissolve into nothing.

Downing another shot, drowning another dream. Her mind spinning circles,  of tales once forgotten. Angry screams, her spine shivers with fear. Because there once was a man, who whispered lies into her ear. Ripping into her soul, the nightmares keep coming. Sheets soaking wet, but she's supposed to be safe here. Rising from the torment, she moves around in a daze. Sipping that third drink,  while the enemy is in her head. The sweet release of morning, she sees the sunrise coming. The horizon a golden promise, of nightmares soon forgotten.

I am at war with the breath, caught in my throat. Refusing to release me, from the painful realization. The war rages while I calm my heart, testing if I still manage to feel. The soft drum, instills a silence in the room. With controlled movement, he moves past me in the hall. I forget my purpose, because I am a stranger. I am at war, and the battlefield is here. The weapons are words, spoken in tempered anger. As the tears will themselves, out of my darkened eyes. I retreat with bowed head. I was...at war, now I've lost.

It becomes clear, that the light is my friend. Bringing with it memories of summers spent in shallow water. Sun engulfing my skin, heating it up. Freckles sprinkled across my features, tanned spots of summer. I revel in the water lapping at my feet, caressing my toes with cool waves of blue. The air is lighter than I remember, and the possibilities are endless. Birds in the distance, kids walking with dripping ice cream cones. I know that summer is fleeting, yet it seems never ending in this moment. The memories crashing into me, like the ocean used to.

Can't seem to care about you like I want to. We are no longer. It doesn't hurt. I worry I have lost my sensibilities. My empathy, my love. All that seems to be left is sadness. A deep dark hole that mocks you, leaves  you breathless. Love is never jealous.

I love looking at things I've written a decade ago - am I really getting that old? Then, some times you come across  a poem where you wonder what was going through you at the time. You can't really remember what brought you to that place where the poem came from. To be honest, I remember being an angsty teen and really focused on the bad things that were happening in my life, but still I can't remember who I wrote this about. I honestly always draw from my own experiences in life so this must have meant something to me. For the life of me, I wish I could remember. I published the following very short poem online in 2003: --- What can I say, to make it all better? What can I do, to make it last forever? What can I see, that you don't in me? ---- I find it funny now, that I could be so completely lost in someone to write such a poem. Yet, I think it comes with the territory of being a teenager. You obsess and worry and wonder why love hasn'...

You're at that point in your life where everything should somehow be falling into place, yet there you are, staring into an abyss full of nothingness, uncertainty and frustration. Is it a choice you made along the way that put you in this position? Was this just how YOUR life was supposed to turn out? Is this the reality you need to embrace? I don't pretend to have the answers, but growth is all about adapting to the situation you're in. If unhappy, change it. I know it sounds cliche, but such is life. Everything that happens to you has already happened to someone else, somewhere in the world, at some point in time.

Thinking about my dad right now, before I sleep. He's gone through major surgery today and thankfully it all went according to the plan and he's going to be okay. It's been hard to focus today because I was thinking about him so much. Then I started pondering over what he finds amazing in me. Suddenly I remember a conversation we had just before he went back to Scotland with my mom. We were talking about how he was nervous about the surgery which is normal. Then offhandedly I stated that I'd never been under anesthesia. And my dad said, oh yes you have. I was like, huh? Why can't I remember that. Well what happened was I had some kind of ear infection and they had to put in this drain thing in my eardrum. Basically that hurts like shit so they put me under for the procedure. I was around 3 or 4 years old. So I guess that's why I can't remember. It's quite a funny story though. My dad had pissed the doctor off because he told him that he'd read that...

Love... Is an amazing feeling, and one of few that fills your heart and soul with joy. The smile that tugs at your lips when you see the one you love coming towards you. The light you recognize in their eyes, that tells you all you need to know. Love can intoxicate and confuse, and it is a feeling like no other. Love has no malice or jealousy. Love is unconditional and compassionate and humans are extremely blessed to have something like this in their possession. Sadly, many mistreat it and neglect the fact that love also takes work. In this day and age, it has become increasingly easier to just give up on a relationship instead of working at it, making the love last a lifetime. There are plenty of examples in the world, of love lasting and relationships standing the test of time. So why is it that our current generation gives up so easily? I have yet to come to an understanding of this. I am a passionate woman, and someone who loves without judgment. I have experienced an all-...

I find my inspiration in lyrics and the mood of a song. I let the emotions wash over me till I find a place where I feel creative. I also tend to draw from personal feelings, conveying small moments in time. Places I have struggled to find peace with. In this way I can work through my own unresolved issues, by writing small stories that perhaps resonate in my readers as well. ~ Grace Broken promises and broken dreams. Pieces of a broken heart strewn across the floor. The darkness consuming everything, knowing that happiness' light is too weak to shine. Without suffering there can be no compassion, yet the heart will always feel weaker in pain. It takes more than a promise, to mend what is broken. Even the sun feels bleak, and the wind feels unrelenting. When is the right time to get back on track, and where do you find the strength? The memories of piercing lies, waltz back into the mind. Nothing can wash away sins past, yet the heart can be mended. No it do...

Is it growing up to realize that not everyone has your best interest at heart? Knowing that people will be your friends and then later the friendship might falter? Looking inside your heart and knowing that life will never be the same - it will always be full of changes and new things? Not even if you tried could you stop your life from changing. Even if you were a hermit never coming outside or speaking to people, stuff would still happen that would make the day a little different than the last. I guess coming to terms with this fact makes it somehow easier to accept that things change. People disappear from your life or enter it. Nothing lasts forever, and why would you really want it to? Okay, except for some things like marrying the person you love, keeping that one friend who's always been by your side, there can be no growth if nothing ever changes. So embrace the changes. I for one know that changes are good things, if you treat them as such. I decided long ago that I wa...

I'm a big nerd, and I love all things comics and movies. I must say one of my biggest reasons for wanting to go to NYCC (New York Comic Con) is to meet the one and only Kevin Smith. Ever since I saw Clerks I fell in love with that man and how he had a way with dialogue. Ever since Clerks, I've enjoyed all of his movies. Well, except Jersey Girl, that was not a great film. My favorites would be Chasing Amy. For some reason that movie just grabbed a hold of me and I was hooked. Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Mallrats were awesome too, but I'm sure that the new "Red State" will have me hooked as well. That man really found a way to make me ponder about life and faith. Especially in Dogma. Whether he intended to or not (haven't researched it) but I found myself having a newfound respect for my own faith after watching this movie. How he could continually question faith and why we as a people want to believe in it was amazing to me. My favorite is st...