Ringgren

It is the weirdest of times, life moving on while you watch it flow past in waves that slowly but surely take you on a steady path. Yet other times a wave crashes into you with such a force that you lose your footing, forget where you are going and make mistakes. As I stand on the lonely pier, I look towards the sunset and wonder why the waves have left me standing, when all I wanted was to be swept up into the crashing and empty waters. I feel the sun is mocking me with its perfect rays that touch the calm water in front of me. I want to drown in its beauty.

I fill my life with meaningless chatter to drown out the emptiness.

--- Did a flash writing exercise with a friend, about a subject we've both dealt with. Essentially we took 10 minutes on a clock and wrote about "anxiety". I wanted to share mine. --- Imagine a clamp on your head, tightening with every breath that you take. The more you walk around, the worse it gets. You try to calm your breathing and think of nice things, but every image behind your closed eyelids is always the same. You freak out because your world becomes smaller. The path on which you walk becomes narrower. Your stomach churns as you try to understand what is causing this in you. Was it something someone said? Did you step on someone today that made them feel lesser than themselves? Why do you cower in front of everyone so that you cannot shine like the beacon you are? Why don’t you trust yourself? You know you have stuff to do? A life to live and celebrate. Why don’t you go do it? Why do you stay here and hide in the darkness, behind your computer screen whe...

Even now, twelve years later, I'm reminded of you when a certain scent hits me. It never fails to break my heart.

The day she wanted to arrive had finally come. For some reason, she didn't think she would feel the way she did. Nervous, anxious, excited. The morning breeze was playing with the wind chimes outside the bedroom window, and she felt strangely on edge. You see, she had accepted years ago that this day would never arrive, but as it inched closer, she felt strangely unprepared. As if this day was not supposed to happen to her. It was a strange thought, so she pushed it out of her head. "Don't you know the hardest part is over?" A voice asked in the dark of the room. She knew he was beside her, smiling that innocent smile of his that she fell in love with. Rolling unto her side and searching for his face in the morning glow, he reached a hand out to touch her face gently. "Just breathe... That's all you have to do. The rest will fall into place for you. You'll see." She would never understand how he could read her so well. She hadn't even spoken...

Standing on the front porch of my house, I had this feeling deep down that something was wrong. I can't describe it, without you thinking I'm a complete nutcase. She was supposed to be there two hours ago, and yet, she was not. Fiddling with the keys to the front door, I unlocked it and stepped into a familiar smell that was like a slap to the face. An almost rude wake up call. I had missed that smell so terribly. Standing there in the doorway and taking it all in, I remembered suddenly that there was something I had forgotten. A knick knack if you will, but it was something that meant a great deal to both of us. Walking back outside to my car, I grabbed a piece of paper from my glove compartment. It was worn, had spots on it, but it was magical... Going back inside, I left it on the kitchen counter and then returned to the hallway, just standing there and looking at all the photos and memories it contained. My phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket, it was from her. A text mess...

I want to ride on a summertrain, taking me away, into the breezy evening. I want to go where the light shines from within, where the dreamers can go and be safe. I want to ride on a summertrain. Leaving the worries of long days behind. Instead of worry, I reach out of the windows to catch fireflies in my hand. I want to ride on a summertrain. Escaping what little world I am holed up in. Entering instead, a world of possibility. Darkness has the potential, of everything. I want to ride on a summertrain. Feeling the cool air flow through my fingers, promising me better times. There... There I will be free. Love + Blessings