Ringgren

I have delayed madness piling up, in a brain where I should be piling up success. I have thoughts of just not being here anymore, because it feels easier than worrying about life. I have promises in the future about happiness, and they seem unattainable and so far away. But it is not far away, it is here right now. I am alive and breathing and I am perfect. I don't have to worry about what tomorrow brings, just live in the magnificent moment of now. Because I have my will to live on my side, and there is absolutely nothing that can cripple that. So I say come on life, and let me fight you, because there is love in my heart and light.

You make it look so easy, you make it look, like you're in love. How do you lie, with such ease? How do you turn my world around, with just one smile? You make it look so sweet, you make it look, like you're in love. Why do you perform, this charade of lies? How do you turn my world upside down, with just one kiss? It's just the pain speaking, wondering, hoping, that there is some truth left. Picking up the pieces, when you shatter them again. I just look towards the sunset, imagining your arms around me, breathing in the warmth of us. Knowing that, it will be a part, that I won't be able to play. I hope I can let you go eventually.

His eyes twinkled as he walked across, the fresh snow that covered his garden. His haven of peace and tranquility. It was a transcendent feeling, as the snowflakes whirled around him. The cold turned his breath into crystals, and his hands started to shake. Yet he never wanted to leave, the white silence of this treasured place. His thoughts however wandered while strolling. To a time where the sun shined, and his laughter was not a lost memory. To a place where he twirled with another, in moments of embraced intimacy. His heart ached at the recollection. The winter was kinder to him, quieter and did not remember. It was like a blanket over the past, and a shield against the hurt. But somehow it was failing him. Images of her golden dress, that glistened in the never ending sunlight, captured his mind and his heart. He had fought so hard to forget, though it was all but a charade. When his guard was down. His heart was unprotected, and the light flooded ...

It doesn't matter, how many times, I tell myself to stop. The feelings keep, piling on and on. It's like a, never ending carousel. Of whirls and whisks, that take me on a ride. I just want it to stop. I feel fulfilled, and yet I don't. I feel satiated, and yet I crave. I feel whole and incomplete. Will it ever make sense? Will the pain ever ease? Will the mind ever quiet? Or will I forever, be tormented by my past? It's not my finest hour, or my darkest one. But it's a moment, marred by wishes, that never come true. I wish I could stop, the things I so crave. They are not mine to covet, or mine to wish for. And yet here I pray. I doubt anyone notices. I've become skilled, at hiding my aches. So until someone asks, I will continue to pretend.

I don't understand, why it still hurts. As if the memories, keep making it worse. I see your face, and it makes me tremble, from a fear that stops my breath. I wish I knew how to let go and set myself free, but all people keep telling me, is to get my act together and see. "You should just be!" I think that's easier said than done. Because you don't see the harm. It's inside, where it's dark, and it's breaking my heart. One day, I just knew, it was over and through. I can't believe I got away from you. We didn't fight or scream, it was finally reality and not a dream. Every night since then, I've worried about trust. In family, in friends and me, and it feels like everything turned to dust.