Ringgren

I stand there, cold sweat on my lip. Wondering what I did in my life to be dismissed. Wondering, pondering, imagining what it would be like to disappear on the spot. What it would be like to have the power to forget what we did. How you made me feel. What I wouldn't give to forget all about the sensation of your lips on mine. The way you kissed the top of my head, like you truly cared for my heart.  Moments of bliss and wonder, that turn into a burning smolder.

She stared at the words, for what seemed like an eternity. Trying to blink away the truth as her eyes scanned over something that absolutely was going to change her life. She didn't know if it was going to be for better or worse, but her heart betrayed her as it started beating faster. Words, they can convey so much and they can build you up, but they can also strip you of any dignity that you might be clinging to. They can tear away the last defence or they can build your wall even higher, making it more impenetrable, unscalable. What happens when not even your own thoughts can break through the monstrous barricade you've made? She struggles to rise from her seat, as her breath is becoming caught in her throat. The tears are falling from her eyes, and she still fails to recognise the reason for her reaction. Or maybe it is her willingness to stay unaware of what is affecting her? She moves from the chair, languish movements, as if she were struck with some form of stupef...

It's not the way you used to touch me, it's the way, you've given up. It's not the way you kissed me, it's the certainty, that it's not enough. You play your games, around my heart, and I'm back at the start. Trying to push and pull, and you're refusing, to even let it move. Back or forth, it's the same pain. Especially when it is in vain. I'm giving in. I've had enough. So, stop loving me, even if it's tough. Because you can love someone new, just as well as I can do. So, let me leave and move on, and I can start listening to another song.

I am slowly losing my mind, wading into the deep abyss.

Salty drops of pain, cascading down my face. Bitter memories, forcing them to fall. Wiping at them forcibly, an attempt at forgetting. It fails.

A fog bank, a lonely road. High beams trying, to break up the mist. I am scared, of my own clouds. They terrify my mind.

I wonder most days, how the air can still fill my lungs. How the sunshine still reach past my darkened heart. Why the memory of a smile is all I have left. And the tears have stopped flowing.

I fill my life with meaningless chatter to drown out the emptiness.