Ringgren

There's no other way to describe it, than with three little words. He saved me. Maybe not in the traditional sense, where he comes riding in on a white horse. But with a liberating and enlightening caress. He is not my knight in shining armour, not that I would want him to be. He is just a man. That relit a flame in my heart. A flame that has slumbered, through heartbreak, breakdowns and numbing pain. A flame that, once fanned, cannot be extinguished. It's a burning, blinding, engulfing passion. He doesn't know how much it meant, but he broke down the boundary. Saved my heart, in the kindest of ways.

They say I am no longer a girl, but I guess I would rather be a woman anyway. My heart grows bolder because I sink, deep into the wonder that is my future. Not knowing where the boundaries are, but feeling like I have a way of staying above. But it is no longer a question of sinking or floating, instead I believe that I am better. In the end I can't let my reputation precede me. Good or bad, I will not be a word of mouth. When I step into your world, you won't know what hit you.

Cheated and defeated. Unloved and frustrated. That is just a few of the things I experience. I don't know what to do with myself, in this moment. Scratching an itch, didn't help. All I wanted was his embrace and smile. The one that would calm me down and take away my fears. But here I am, cheated and defeated. Unloved and frustrated. Wondering if I will ever experience, even a fraction of what I am capable of, again.

If you ever want to be in love, I will be around. Just let me know. Give me a reason to call you back into my embrace. Confound me with your beauty. I just want to stay by your side. Be the loving presence you’ve always needed. The partner that understands your ins and outs. And treasures them all, as they were her own. Just let me know. Give me a reason to entwine my fingers with yours. Because the intimacy we share has momentous waves. It swallows us up and blends us together. Not knowing where you begin and I end. A mesh of wondrous magnificence. If you ever want to be in love, I will be around. Just let me know.

There is a mountain between me and the moment. Even though I am in it, it seems so far away. It is like an unreal fantasy. Capturing the time and whisks it away.  And there’s nothing I can do about the pain that might come. The incidents are occurring more and more often. Stealing mindful moments. Blank slates, being eaten alive by frustration. The wonder seems it has lost its power, over the many impulses of my being. I don’t see the escape in the future, nor do I see the magic in the now. I contemplate, what the point of the human condition is. Because there is only one thing that I desire, and it’s the feeling of contentment. Maybe I will never grasp happiness. Oh, what’s the point of worrying, when oblivion is settling in.

Miss you