Ringgren

Ready to conquer the fire and the rain ready to bleed for what I became. Laying my head on the altar of desire, I wish that heaven would grant me my wire. On which I rise out of the ashes, like a Phoenix, brutal but inherently brave.

In desperate times, you do not need desperate measures. Only people, who are willing to put it all on the line for you. That...is love.

I wrote this sentence earlier on twitter: "Even as the darkness creeps into my eyes, I refuse to let it color my view." It wasn't until a bit later this evening that I wondered what I had actually meant by it. See, usually when I write stuff like that, it's coming from some kind of experience I've had that day. Yet, this particular quote or sentence just came really organically. I thought of the word, refuse, and built a sentence around it. I like it because it speaks to the world as it is. I think we are all capable of dark and gloomy things, however, some chose to go on another path. I do believe completely that we are all capable of evil. Some people find they have no choice but to give in, while others have experienced pain themselves and would therefore never inflict that pain on anyone else. I always say that my experiences as a kid being bullied, have shaped me into the person that I am today, and trust me, I actually appreciate those experie...

I cannot seem to comprehend fully, how he, enthralls me so. The wondrous locks of his hair play with my mind. In his eyes I see something. A glimmer of an otherworldly love. Compassion so tangible, that I wonder how he even exists, in this world brimming of unmistakeable sadness. The caress of his hand as he looks into my eyes, sparks a chain reaction that sends shivers down my spine. My body is tuned into his every touch. His lips, where I have rested my gaze, look as soft as a summers breeze. He licks them, not in anticipation of me claiming them, but because he wonders how he can tell me of his hopes for us. Grabbing my hands and holding them close to his chest, I feel his heartbeat racing. He asks for me to look at him, feel him, understand the sincerity behind his words as they pour from him in controlled urgency. "I have to say this before my courage fails me. I love you...with all I have to give. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I struggle with anger. I am working on it, but it is hard, very hard. Daily I struggle with reacting to difficult situations without anger. Anger is a dangerous road, because it leads you to really dark places, and I really do not want to walk those paths any more. I want to be happy and embrace the wonderful things life has to offer, and not be tied down by venomous anger in my veins. Today I had this opportunity to be vengeful and angry, but I realized that it wouldn't make the situation less terrible, perhaps it would even make things more frustrating. So...I let it go and it felt great. There's so much pain and sadness in the world, no point in making it worse and adding to all the heartache. I'd rather spend my time, doing wonderful things for the people that I love.

I fill my life with meaningless chatter to drown out the emptiness.

I'm not afraid of silence, but I've noticed a peculiar habit I've adopted. I have music running almost any time I fiddle around in my apartment. Be it making dinner, washing dishes, cleaning, surfing the web, while I shower. I don't know why, but I feel compelled to fill the silence whenever possible. It drives me nuts because, like I said, I don't fear silence, yet I drown it out. I started not too long ago, a habit of falling asleep with my tv running. It calmed me to hear voices around me. However, tonight I realized that I am in fact going nuts because of the constant noise in my life. Even though I love the music I play, it's not giving me that sense of comfort it used to. Instead I try to forget that I'm lonely. I don't mean it in the sense that I don't see people on a regular basis. I have a job, which I appreciate. Great colleagues. At the end of the day though, they go home to families. Friends who live close by, neighbors they've prob...