A new year, a new beginning.

2011, you’ve been a year of many adventures, but you have also had more than your share of sadness and frustration. You have given me some very precious friends that I cannot imagine not knowing, and these people are the ones that have kept me going through this past year. So thank you, 2011, for giving me those people to share my life with. Through ups and downs they have been there to support me, and I appreciate that with all my heart.

You’ve also been the year where I have had two amazing trips to the states. These adventures have given me so much to look forward to in terms of dreams I want to come to fruition. I felt alive again after traveling there. Walking around the streets of New York or strolling through a park in Salem, MA – fueled me with inspiration and determination. Difficult to put into words.

But, 2011, you have brought me a lot of struggles. Coming to terms with being dissatisfied with my thesis and having a difficult time not knowing what to do about it, has certainly given me a lot of grief. I felt whenever I gave it a shot, it was thrown back at me and I’d end up disappointed in myself. It was infuriating to keep struggling against something that I’m sure is not the path I am meant to follow.

It changed, thankfully. I was sitting in my car outside of the university library, I didn’t want to go inside and face what I felt I wasn’t supposed to work with. So I sat there, for maybe twenty minutes, just not knowing what to do with myself.

I logged on to Facebook and received an email from one of my best friends. She expressed in her email that she knew I was struggling these past few days and that she felt I needed some comfort. She had enclosed two youtube videos of songs that touched her heart, and that she felt I would get a lot out of watching. I clicked on the first link… The words: “Higher+Wider+Deeper” appeared on a black background. I honestly didn’t know what to expect when I clicked the link, but I put on my headphones to better hear the sound. The wonderful melody that filled my ears, immediately brought tears to my eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever been so surprised by a melody like I was with that one. I listened to the first song and was so moved by the end of it that I felt a little broken inside. Or maybe I realized that something was broken and needed to be repaired.

I took my phone and left my car, went past the library and found a bench on campus next to a lake and just closed my eyes, looking towards the sun and finding the answer I was looking for. I thank my dear friend for sending those songs to me because they were truly a sign for me to move on. Do something that I loved and not tolerated. In that sense, something wonderful has come out of something painful.

You know, you shitty year… You’ve also taken a lot from me. Two dear friends in the same month! I am so saddened by that fact. I know it’s wrong of me to be mad at you for taking them, but I miss them. When I heard of Doc’s passing I was crushed. The charming man that would give you a wink with his eyes and smile and you would be smiling yourself. He would post a silly comment on your Facebook and you would laugh at his antics. He touched so many people’s hearts and gave so much of himself, that I’m sure his spirit now lives in all of us, all the people whose lives he made an impact on. Doc, I love you.

You also took Lori from me. A blessed woman with such a big and all-encompassing heart, even with her constant medical problems. She shared so much of herself to me in a very short period of time, and I feel like a better person for knowing her. I will never be able to put into words exactly how much I loved both Doc and Lori. I hope my tears and laughs have told them for me.

2011, you were also the year where my little brother was run over by a car. I can’t believe you let that happen!!! He survived it, but I still carry that day with me and I always will. It gave me some serious anger problems because I was furious with people who just didn’t seem to care about others safety. I really hope I don’t have to deal with anything like that in the new year just around the corner.

I’m going to be the bigger person here, you shitty year, and leave all of these hardships behind me and embrace the new year with all that I have. Because, I’ll be damned to be brought down by things I cannot prevent anyway. This new year will mean a lot of changes for me. Letting go of petty feelings that should have no place in my heart. Embracing the fact that I have some truly wonderful people in my life and celebrating life with them instead of hiding away. Exploring a lot of new hobbies that I have started over this past year and that I want to continue to explore in the coming year.

In closing, 2011… You can go suck it, because 2012 will be an amazing year! I feel it in every fiber of my being.

/Tinne