Ringgren

I wonder most days, how the air can still fill my lungs. How the sunshine still reach past my darkened heart. Why the memory of a smile is all I have left. And the tears have stopped flowing.

As the rain started pouring down outside his window so did the tears that finally escaped his eyes, salty water cascading down his cheeks, while his lungs felt heavy, making it hard to breathe. He had no idea why the tears were finally coming, but he was relieved. His heart had been heavy for months, until this very moment where he finally let go of the pain and revel in what had actually happened. His wife was sleeping in their bed peacefully, but he could just not find peace so he’d gotten up to walk around their room a bit, finally settling at the desk in front of the large window overlooking the garden. His eyes scanned the dimmed morning view, it was early in the am and he had hardly slept at all. His eyes wandered to the swing set at the far end, he felt the tears well up against him. His heart started beating faster as his breath caught in his throat. His pain turned angry, angry at the world, himself and that swing set. Rising from the desk he grabbed a sweatshirt and ...

She had lived a life where she felt everything was possible. Marrying him and having their children, was neither a scary thought nor an impossible one. She saw a loving future when looking into his eyes. She saw happiness, a little boy and girl crawling into his lap while he read them stories that he himself had heard when he was a kid. His loving embrace as he put the kids to sleep and kissed them on the forehead, telling them that they should never stop dreaming and that he loved them with every ounce of his heart. The wonderful sparkle that his eyes possessed as she would lie next to him and he told her how much he loved her. Those were the only things that raced through her mind, she had found her rock. She finally understood the silly love songs she would blast in her teenage room while dreaming of meeting Mr. Right. He had come to her… At least that is what she had thought for so long. She had felt so safe, so secure in their love, but it would prove to be just a silly fanta...

It is the weirdest of times, life moving on while you watch it flow past in waves that slowly but surely take you on a steady path. Yet other times a wave crashes into you with such a force that you lose your footing, forget where you are going and make mistakes. As I stand on the lonely pier, I look towards the sunset and wonder why the waves have left me standing, when all I wanted was to be swept up into the crashing and empty waters. I feel the sun is mocking me with its perfect rays that touch the calm water in front of me. I want to drown in its beauty.

Ready to conquer the fire and the rain ready to bleed for what I became. Laying my head on the altar of desire, I wish that heaven would grant me my wire. On which I rise out of the ashes, like a Phoenix, brutal but inherently brave.

In desperate times, you do not need desperate measures. Only people, who are willing to put it all on the line for you. That...is love.

I wrote this sentence earlier on twitter: "Even as the darkness creeps into my eyes, I refuse to let it color my view." It wasn't until a bit later this evening that I wondered what I had actually meant by it. See, usually when I write stuff like that, it's coming from some kind of experience I've had that day. Yet, this particular quote or sentence just came really organically. I thought of the word, refuse, and built a sentence around it. I like it because it speaks to the world as it is. I think we are all capable of dark and gloomy things, however, some chose to go on another path. I do believe completely that we are all capable of evil. Some people find they have no choice but to give in, while others have experienced pain themselves and would therefore never inflict that pain on anyone else. I always say that my experiences as a kid being bullied, have shaped me into the person that I am today, and trust me, I actually appreciate those experie...

I cannot seem to comprehend fully, how he, enthralls me so. The wondrous locks of his hair play with my mind. In his eyes I see something. A glimmer of an otherworldly love. Compassion so tangible, that I wonder how he even exists, in this world brimming of unmistakeable sadness. The caress of his hand as he looks into my eyes, sparks a chain reaction that sends shivers down my spine. My body is tuned into his every touch. His lips, where I have rested my gaze, look as soft as a summers breeze. He licks them, not in anticipation of me claiming them, but because he wonders how he can tell me of his hopes for us. Grabbing my hands and holding them close to his chest, I feel his heartbeat racing. He asks for me to look at him, feel him, understand the sincerity behind his words as they pour from him in controlled urgency. "I have to say this before my courage fails me. I love you...with all I have to give. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I struggle with anger. I am working on it, but it is hard, very hard. Daily I struggle with reacting to difficult situations without anger. Anger is a dangerous road, because it leads you to really dark places, and I really do not want to walk those paths any more. I want to be happy and embrace the wonderful things life has to offer, and not be tied down by venomous anger in my veins. Today I had this opportunity to be vengeful and angry, but I realized that it wouldn't make the situation less terrible, perhaps it would even make things more frustrating. So...I let it go and it felt great. There's so much pain and sadness in the world, no point in making it worse and adding to all the heartache. I'd rather spend my time, doing wonderful things for the people that I love.

I fill my life with meaningless chatter to drown out the emptiness.

I'm not afraid of silence, but I've noticed a peculiar habit I've adopted. I have music running almost any time I fiddle around in my apartment. Be it making dinner, washing dishes, cleaning, surfing the web, while I shower. I don't know why, but I feel compelled to fill the silence whenever possible. It drives me nuts because, like I said, I don't fear silence, yet I drown it out. I started not too long ago, a habit of falling asleep with my tv running. It calmed me to hear voices around me. However, tonight I realized that I am in fact going nuts because of the constant noise in my life. Even though I love the music I play, it's not giving me that sense of comfort it used to. Instead I try to forget that I'm lonely. I don't mean it in the sense that I don't see people on a regular basis. I have a job, which I appreciate. Great colleagues. At the end of the day though, they go home to families. Friends who live close by, neighbors they've prob...

I look up at the sky and only see darkness. The looming clouds roll over me, as I try to find my way. Problem about darkness, is that it makes it hard to navigate. Where to go in life, what path to take? The crossroads are many, the decisions equally so, but I don't want to make that choice. So I just wait. If I somehow manage, to circumvent my fear, maybe I'll be able, to just live my life. Reminiscing about simpler times, a childhood, my past, where everything seemed straight. Now, all I see is darkness.

I love looking at things I've written a decade ago - am I really getting that old? Then, some times you come across  a poem where you wonder what was going through you at the time. You can't really remember what brought you to that place where the poem came from. To be honest, I remember being an angsty teen and really focused on the bad things that were happening in my life, but still I can't remember who I wrote this about. I honestly always draw from my own experiences in life so this must have meant something to me. For the life of me, I wish I could remember. I published the following very short poem online in 2003: --- What can I say, to make it all better? What can I do, to make it last forever? What can I see, that you don't in me? ---- I find it funny now, that I could be so completely lost in someone to write such a poem. Yet, I think it comes with the territory of being a teenager. You obsess and worry and wonder why love hasn'...

I doubt whenever I'm happy, because I feel unworthy of the sensation. I doubt because I'm unsure of what lies inside me, power or nothing... I don't want to doubt, because of all the love I receive. I want to feel worthy of it all and enjoy my time here on this earth. And yet, I doubt. Whenever I can - because I was taught to.

Between her and the world, was an invisible force field she could not break through. She worried a lot of the day away, wondering magical worlds as time passed by her. The unsightly child of a world incapable of understanding her. It was not because the world was not willing, but her peculiarity scared and was off putting. She imagined how love would feel. The soft waves of fitting together with someone else. The rose colored glasses that everyone would talk about. The smile that would certainly creep unto her face when thinking about her love. She ached as the thoughts blew through her darkened heart, making the chambers creak with sadness. As the snowflakes fell silently outside her window, she wondered how her life could have been. Had she just been born more "normal", her thoughts been less strange, her mind less adventurous and magical... Always, wondering.

Sometimes I find these little amazing statements around the interwebz and I cannot help but think...these moments have to mean something. Therefore, I want to share with you a piece of truth I stumbled across today. "S ometimes you are the drop that overflows the glass, but it doesn't mean that you filled the entire glass." Now, I want you to really think about this one. What it means. How it possibly could have affected your life in some way. Have you been the last drop for someone else? Have you felt hatred towards someone that did an indiscretion towards you, but they really did not deserve your anger, because your glass had already been at the brink of overflowing? I really feel it's a powerful sentence. On both sides of the fence. If a person hurts your feelings, I think it would be a great idea for everyone, that they ponder that anger before releasing it. Asking themselves some crucial questions. Am I justified? What will happen if I tell that person h...

I love taking pictures. Aalborg tower.

You're at that point in your life where everything should somehow be falling into place, yet there you are, staring into an abyss full of nothingness, uncertainty and frustration. Is it a choice you made along the way that put you in this position? Was this just how YOUR life was supposed to turn out? Is this the reality you need to embrace? I don't pretend to have the answers, but growth is all about adapting to the situation you're in. If unhappy, change it. I know it sounds cliche, but such is life. Everything that happens to you has already happened to someone else, somewhere in the world, at some point in time.

Sitting there, she knew not what her fate had called her to do. She could feel it though, stirring within her. This ache, that felt like it would never subside or diminish. An ache that burned in her very core, almost convulsing within her with frustration. It was an ache for something that she did not yet understand. Who knew when she would, or if she would? All she DID know, was that it was there. It would spring up without warning and it would hurt. So much so, that tears would spring from her eyes without permission. Trickling down her reddened cheeks mercilessly. Tearing her heart into a million pieces. It was there, it was relentless and yet she knew that it was necessary. To force her. There was something she had to do - she wasn't ready for it - but a human heart can only take so much sadness before it starts to question the reason for its existence. When will the laughter return? When will the unencumbered joy return and splash its way through the chambers of your...