Ringgren

 We can start over, whenever we want. It’s a wonderful opportunity that we have.  Taking it for granted will lead anyone down a dark path. I might not always be aware, what good I release in the world.  But I will try to savor the small moments. What else can I do to make it feel like there’s a meaning to all this madness? I don’t imagine, I’m the only one with self-doubt. In fact, I am painfully aware how it infects all of us,  at some point in our lives. I’ve gotten knocked down to size,  yet again. It hurts, more than I can describe. Maybe it is possible to get out on the other side better?  I sure hope I can do the impossible for the millionth time. That is why, this is Day One.

Maybe, there's a reason for all the pain. Maybe not? But what I know for sure, is that we can't take it all at once. I tried to be the good person, to give of myself, in the right way. Without hurting any one, or myself. I know I am not perfect, in any way. No one is. Really.  But, I also find it hard to imagine a world where there is less pain.

Sunset over my heart, A falling star that does not shine. It is like I feel swallowed by the waters. Imagining myself drowning in fire. I want to yell, I want to scream. Demand to be saved. But I can ultimately only save myself.

There are thoughts in my head that I cannot escape Thoughts that are slowly and surely making my head cave in I don't want to feel like this, like I am slipping back into the old pain. But I am. I am afraid. Afraid that I will lose myself to the old memories. Never let go of those, and never be in charge of my own life. Never accept that something has passed and new things take hold. Not able to let someone love me like they want to, for fear of being left behind. Because what if they let me believe in that love so deeply. Folding into an abyss that is vast. Like a blanket covering my eyes from the truth of what I have. I don't want to have these fears. Carry them around like a heavy backpack. Full of misery and pain. Stopping my growth and letting me fail all over again. This time, because of my own self. I am better than these thoughts, I am stronger. If I fall in too deep, that is because I want to. And I deserve to. It is all I can truly be anyway. ...

Quiet nights, stolen moments. Wondrous feelings I, spent a lifetime, chasing down the roads of imperfection. I put my arms, around your shoulders. Breathing in your light. Feel like I am finally losing, the grip on my unhappiness. You had your way, I found a lesson in your embrace. There's a lifetime of knowledge, and magic to your name. So I sway to the music, of your sweet voice. The soft tendrils of its tune, sings me to sleep. I am loved and enveloped, by your smile, thankfully I can stay here for a while.

I feel like I am trapped in the wrong life, begging to be heard and felt. Wondering why I never feel safe, amongst all the strife. What would it take, to keep me from self-destructing? Against the crashing waves of pain. Are they meant to be a fight, that is never-ending? I wonder why I have these feelings, that are constantly at war. With the image that You see, and the ones I can conjure while kneeling. I give myself up to despair, hoping that I will start to heal. When there are enough holes in me, that I can start to repair. Or maybe the holes in me will give way, t o the bright soul inside? Exploding into a wonder, of stars and music which makes you sway.

Looking in, seeing wonders. Stars and gold flecks sparkle. Twinkles in your eyes. There's another world in there. A calmer one, that makes you smile. It reflects your love, knowing that you exist. Exhaling in one long breath. The warmth of your being, makes the room heat up. There is peace in this moment. A mirror, a representation of you. It is magic.

The thought of chasing Freedom forever, made him want to scream. His craving for her, was never ending. He would do anything. Just to see her teeth bared in a smile, would light up everything. He could not fathom the silence, that settled her nerves so easily. He could hear pins drop, and it was at times, deafening. Her mere presence was made of stars and gold, glittering in an endless space of wonder. Heart aflutter with passion and fear, fear that his love could disappear from his life. Becoming a mirage, dissolving in the desert of his pain. The golden and magic tendrils of her hair, spinning around his finger with ease. The sweet scent of her essence, filling every part of his being. There had never been anyone like her, in this life or the next. And she was his, not a possession, because one could not own such a creature. But her heart picked a slower pace, around him. A calm instilled in her in his presence. And as he cradled her in his arms that...

You are just like me. Waiting for a moment to, grasp the eternal sunshine. Embodying the loving embrace, of life in its purest form. You are just like me. The dark circles under your eyes, fade away as love warms you up. Can't you see how much you're like me. There is never a moment where, I take for granted the love that you give. But you just have to let go of your fear, and see that I am right here. You are just like me.

There's no other way to describe it, than with three little words. He saved me. Maybe not in the traditional sense, where he comes riding in on a white horse. But with a liberating and enlightening caress. He is not my knight in shining armour, not that I would want him to be. He is just a man. That relit a flame in my heart. A flame that has slumbered, through heartbreak, breakdowns and numbing pain. A flame that, once fanned, cannot be extinguished. It's a burning, blinding, engulfing passion. He doesn't know how much it meant, but he broke down the boundary. Saved my heart, in the kindest of ways.

They say I am no longer a girl, but I guess I would rather be a woman anyway. My heart grows bolder because I sink, deep into the wonder that is my future. Not knowing where the boundaries are, but feeling like I have a way of staying above. But it is no longer a question of sinking or floating, instead I believe that I am better. In the end I can't let my reputation precede me. Good or bad, I will not be a word of mouth. When I step into your world, you won't know what hit you.

If you ever want to be in love, I will be around. Just let me know. Give me a reason to call you back into my embrace. Confound me with your beauty. I just want to stay by your side. Be the loving presence you’ve always needed. The partner that understands your ins and outs. And treasures them all, as they were her own. Just let me know. Give me a reason to entwine my fingers with yours. Because the intimacy we share has momentous waves. It swallows us up and blends us together. Not knowing where you begin and I end. A mesh of wondrous magnificence. If you ever want to be in love, I will be around. Just let me know.