Ringgren

Quiet nights, stolen moments. Wondrous feelings I, spent a lifetime, chasing down the roads of imperfection. I put my arms, around your shoulders. Breathing in your light. Feel like I am finally losing, the grip on my unhappiness. You had your way, I found a lesson in your embrace. There's a lifetime of knowledge, and magic to your name. So I sway to the music, of your sweet voice. The soft tendrils of its tune, sings me to sleep. I am loved and enveloped, by your smile, thankfully I can stay here for a while.

I feel like I am trapped in the wrong life, begging to be heard and felt. Wondering why I never feel safe, amongst all the strife. What would it take, to keep me from self-destructing? Against the crashing waves of pain. Are they meant to be a fight, that is never-ending? I wonder why I have these feelings, that are constantly at war. With the image that You see, and the ones I can conjure while kneeling. I give myself up to despair, hoping that I will start to heal. When there are enough holes in me, that I can start to repair. Or maybe the holes in me will give way, t o the bright soul inside? Exploding into a wonder, of stars and music which makes you sway.

Love is out to get me, whether I want it to or not. It’s knocking on the door,  begging to be felt, a lot. I let myself be swept away, with a feeling of wonder. Just long enough to, be irritated with the thunder. The thunder in my head, that screams at me to get out instead.

Looking in, seeing wonders. Stars and gold flecks sparkle. Twinkles in your eyes. There's another world in there. A calmer one, that makes you smile. It reflects your love, knowing that you exist. Exhaling in one long breath. The warmth of your being, makes the room heat up. There is peace in this moment. A mirror, a representation of you. It is magic.

The thought of chasing Freedom forever, made him want to scream. His craving for her, was never ending. He would do anything. Just to see her teeth bared in a smile, would light up everything. He could not fathom the silence, that settled her nerves so easily. He could hear pins drop, and it was at times, deafening. Her mere presence was made of stars and gold, glittering in an endless space of wonder. Heart aflutter with passion and fear, fear that his love could disappear from his life. Becoming a mirage, dissolving in the desert of his pain. The golden and magic tendrils of her hair, spinning around his finger with ease. The sweet scent of her essence, filling every part of his being. There had never been anyone like her, in this life or the next. And she was his, not a possession, because one could not own such a creature. But her heart picked a slower pace, around him. A calm instilled in her in his presence. And as he cradled her in his arms that

You are just like me. Waiting for a moment to, grasp the eternal sunshine. Embodying the loving embrace, of life in its purest form. You are just like me. The dark circles under your eyes, fade away as love warms you up. Can't you see how much you're like me. There is never a moment where, I take for granted the love that you give. But you just have to let go of your fear, and see that I am right here. You are just like me.

There's no other way to describe it, than with three little words. He saved me. Maybe not in the traditional sense, where he comes riding in on a white horse. But with a liberating and enlightening caress. He is not my knight in shining armour, not that I would want him to be. He is just a man. That relit a flame in my heart. A flame that has slumbered, through heartbreak, breakdowns and numbing pain. A flame that, once fanned, cannot be extinguished. It's a burning, blinding, engulfing passion. He doesn't know how much it meant, but he broke down the boundary. Saved my heart, in the kindest of ways.

They say I am no longer a girl, but I guess I would rather be a woman anyway. My heart grows bolder because I sink, deep into the wonder that is my future. Not knowing where the boundaries are, but feeling like I have a way of staying above. But it is no longer a question of sinking or floating, instead I believe that I am better. In the end I can't let my reputation precede me. Good or bad, I will not be a word of mouth. When I step into your world, you won't know what hit you.

Cheated and defeated. Unloved and frustrated. That is just a few of the things I experience. I don't know what to do with myself, in this moment. Scratching an itch, didn't help. All I wanted was his embrace and smile. The one that would calm me down and take away my fears. But here I am, cheated and defeated. Unloved and frustrated. Wondering if I will ever experience, even a fraction of what I am capable of, again.

If you ever want to be in love, I will be around. Just let me know. Give me a reason to call you back into my embrace. Confound me with your beauty. I just want to stay by your side. Be the loving presence you’ve always needed. The partner that understands your ins and outs. And treasures them all, as they were her own. Just let me know. Give me a reason to entwine my fingers with yours. Because the intimacy we share has momentous waves. It swallows us up and blends us together. Not knowing where you begin and I end. A mesh of wondrous magnificence. If you ever want to be in love, I will be around. Just let me know.

There is a mountain between me and the moment. Even though I am in it, it seems so far away. It is like an unreal fantasy. Capturing the time and whisks it away.  And there’s nothing I can do about the pain that might come. The incidents are occurring more and more often. Stealing mindful moments. Blank slates, being eaten alive by frustration. The wonder seems it has lost its power, over the many impulses of my being. I don’t see the escape in the future, nor do I see the magic in the now. I contemplate, what the point of the human condition is. Because there is only one thing that I desire, and it’s the feeling of contentment. Maybe I will never grasp happiness. Oh, what’s the point of worrying, when oblivion is settling in.

Miss you