Ringgren

All the anxiety disappears as quickly as it appeared. The twist around my head starts loosening its grip. The breathing starts to calm down, this is just life, it is not a fight or flight moment. The nervousness flows out through my steady breaths. The feeling that lingers is only peace. Knowing that God has my heart accounted for, and His peace is everlasting. He guides and protects me on my journey, and He lingers in every choice that I make. Good or bad, He does not condemn, for it is his eternal Grace that has put us here. To embrace and give light, that is my purpose. In whatever medium I choose to express it, there it will bring the most change. No matter what my past has been, there is a way to release the pain of it. It can help define us, but it shall not be our essence. We are more than our mistakes. And even more important, we are not only our victories. There is so much more than winners and losers. The glory is not the hunt for perfection,

I'm not a part of this world right now, I'm trying to hide my heart. I'm not a part of this game anymore, I'm trying to forget my pain. I'm not a part of this life no more. I just want to disappear. My mind works against me, in a stressful manner. Painting pictures with a stick of dynamite, blasting its way through all of me. It's like a disease of imperfection, dancing around in the hollowed parts of me. I'm not a part of this story anymore. I am writing myself out. Instead I will be carving my own path. One where I will fill the days with light. Because that is my magic, my wonder, my ability to turn this into a fairytale. It doesn't require much, and I find the music so sweet. So, I will float into reality, and I will smile at you again.

I stand there, cold sweat on my lip. Wondering what I did in my life to be dismissed. Wondering, pondering, imagining what it would be like to disappear on the spot. What it would be like to have the power to forget what we did. How you made me feel. What I wouldn't give to forget all about the sensation of your lips on mine. The way you kissed the top of my head, like you truly cared for my heart.  Moments of bliss and wonder, that turn into a burning smolder.

The way your fingers run gently across my arm, makes my stomach tingle in a way that takes my breath away. You kiss the top of my head, and I feel I'm drowning in joy. Caressing my fingers, makes me feel alive. Yet the touch of your lips, makes me quiver with pleasure. It doesn't matter where, how long, why. I just tremble at the power your presence has. My soul tingles at the wonder of your smile, the gleam in your eyes that spell trouble. You look like you will eat me up. You twist me around your finger, wanting to be at your beck and call, and I find myself entranced. How long will this spell last on me? How long before I lose my mind? How long can I stay awake? I will let this slip through my fingers, because I can't hold on to a star so bright. She will burn right through me.

You make it look so easy, you make it look, like you're in love. How do you lie, with such ease? How do you turn my world around, with just one smile? You make it look so sweet, you make it look, like you're in love. Why do you perform, this charade of lies? How do you turn my world upside down, with just one kiss? It's just the pain speaking, wondering, hoping, that there is some truth left. Picking up the pieces, when you shatter them again. I just look towards the sunset, imagining your arms around me, breathing in the warmth of us. Knowing that, it will be a part, that I won't be able to play. I hope I can let you go eventually.

She stared at the words, for what seemed like an eternity. Trying to blink away the truth as her eyes scanned over something that absolutely was going to change her life. She didn't know if it was going to be for better or worse, but her heart betrayed her as it started beating faster. Words, they can convey so much and they can build you up, but they can also strip you of any dignity that you might be clinging to. They can tear away the last defence or they can build your wall even higher, making it more impenetrable, unscalable. What happens when not even your own thoughts can break through the monstrous barricade you've made? She struggles to rise from her seat, as her breath is becoming caught in her throat. The tears are falling from her eyes, and she still fails to recognise the reason for her reaction. Or maybe it is her willingness to stay unaware of what is affecting her? She moves from the chair, languish movements, as if she were struck with some form of stupef