Ringgren

 We can start over, whenever we want. It’s a wonderful opportunity that we have.  Taking it for granted will lead anyone down a dark path. I might not always be aware, what good I release in the world.  But I will try to savor the small moments. What else can I do to make it feel like there’s a meaning to all this madness? I don’t imagine, I’m the only one with self-doubt. In fact, I am painfully aware how it infects all of us,  at some point in our lives. I’ve gotten knocked down to size,  yet again. It hurts, more than I can describe. Maybe it is possible to get out on the other side better?  I sure hope I can do the impossible for the millionth time. That is why, this is Day One.

The butterflies above her head, remind her of fairies. She prays every night for wings. I have not the heart to tell her they're not real. I see her beautiful eyes, begging for an answer.  I catch myself, before a white lie escapes. It will only confuse her. She is five, an impressionable age. I want to protect her, from disappointments, the wonderful fantasies. She falls asleep, I hear her silent breaths, praying for the fairies to come. Even in dreams, she wishes to fly away. She is my family, and I treasure her. If I could magically grant her wishes, she would be taking flight. For now, I'll dream with her.

It becomes clear, that the light is my friend. Bringing with it memories of summers spent in shallow water. Sun engulfing my skin, heating it up. Freckles sprinkled across my features, tanned spots of summer. I revel in the water lapping at my feet, caressing my toes with cool waves of blue. The air is lighter than I remember, and the possibilities are endless. Birds in the distance, kids walking with dripping ice cream cones. I know that summer is fleeting, yet it seems never ending in this moment. The memories crashing into me, like the ocean used to.

I love looking at things I've written a decade ago - am I really getting that old? Then, some times you come across  a poem where you wonder what was going through you at the time. You can't really remember what brought you to that place where the poem came from. To be honest, I remember being an angsty teen and really focused on the bad things that were happening in my life, but still I can't remember who I wrote this about. I honestly always draw from my own experiences in life so this must have meant something to me. For the life of me, I wish I could remember. I published the following very short poem online in 2003: --- What can I say, to make it all better? What can I do, to make it last forever? What can I see, that you don't in me? ---- I find it funny now, that I could be so completely lost in someone to write such a poem. Yet, I think it comes with the territory of being a teenager. You obsess and worry and wonder why love hasn'...

Thinking about my dad right now, before I sleep. He's gone through major surgery today and thankfully it all went according to the plan and he's going to be okay. It's been hard to focus today because I was thinking about him so much. Then I started pondering over what he finds amazing in me. Suddenly I remember a conversation we had just before he went back to Scotland with my mom. We were talking about how he was nervous about the surgery which is normal. Then offhandedly I stated that I'd never been under anesthesia. And my dad said, oh yes you have. I was like, huh? Why can't I remember that. Well what happened was I had some kind of ear infection and they had to put in this drain thing in my eardrum. Basically that hurts like shit so they put me under for the procedure. I was around 3 or 4 years old. So I guess that's why I can't remember. It's quite a funny story though. My dad had pissed the doctor off because he told him that he'd read that...

Love... Is an amazing feeling, and one of few that fills your heart and soul with joy. The smile that tugs at your lips when you see the one you love coming towards you. The light you recognize in their eyes, that tells you all you need to know. Love can intoxicate and confuse, and it is a feeling like no other. Love has no malice or jealousy. Love is unconditional and compassionate and humans are extremely blessed to have something like this in their possession. Sadly, many mistreat it and neglect the fact that love also takes work. In this day and age, it has become increasingly easier to just give up on a relationship instead of working at it, making the love last a lifetime. There are plenty of examples in the world, of love lasting and relationships standing the test of time. So why is it that our current generation gives up so easily? I have yet to come to an understanding of this. I am a passionate woman, and someone who loves without judgment. I have experienced an all-...

I don't guard my life... If anyone wants to know something about me, they are more than welcome to ask me about it. For if anything I have experienced can help someone else in their life, why should I guard my experiences? I love people. People that treat me with respect and know that a friendship is a two way street. In my experience, you won't get far without friends that love you no matter what happens in your life, and I can safely say I have people that would go through anything for me. I consider myself really lucky now, because my life hasn't always been this easy... In my last post I recalled some of my childhood growing up and how it was to be me at that time. A couple years back I attended my high schools five year reunion. I was really unsure of going because I was going to meet people that had made my life very hard. I didn't know if I was strong enough to see those people again. I decided that I wanted to go, that I wanted to show them how my life was v...