Ringgren

--- Did a flash writing exercise with a friend, about a subject we've both dealt with. Essentially we took 10 minutes on a clock and wrote about "anxiety". I wanted to share mine. --- Imagine a clamp on your head, tightening with every breath that you take. The more you walk around, the worse it gets. You try to calm your breathing and think of nice things, but every image behind your closed eyelids is always the same. You freak out because your world becomes smaller. The path on which you walk becomes narrower. Your stomach churns as you try to understand what is causing this in you. Was it something someone said? Did you step on someone today that made them feel lesser than themselves? Why do you cower in front of everyone so that you cannot shine like the beacon you are? Why don’t you trust yourself? You know you have stuff to do? A life to live and celebrate. Why don’t you go do it? Why do you stay here and hide in the darkness, behind your computer screen whe

Even now, twelve years later, I'm reminded of you when a certain scent hits me. It never fails to break my heart.

The day she wanted to arrive had finally come. For some reason, she didn't think she would feel the way she did. Nervous, anxious, excited. The morning breeze was playing with the wind chimes outside the bedroom window, and she felt strangely on edge. You see, she had accepted years ago that this day would never arrive, but as it inched closer, she felt strangely unprepared. As if this day was not supposed to happen to her. It was a strange thought, so she pushed it out of her head. "Don't you know the hardest part is over?" A voice asked in the dark of the room. She knew he was beside her, smiling that innocent smile of his that she fell in love with. Rolling unto her side and searching for his face in the morning glow, he reached a hand out to touch her face gently. "Just breathe... That's all you have to do. The rest will fall into place for you. You'll see." She would never understand how he could read her so well. She hadn't even spoken

Standing on the front porch of my house, I had this feeling deep down that something was wrong. I can't describe it, without you thinking I'm a complete nutcase. She was supposed to be there two hours ago, and yet, she was not. Fiddling with the keys to the front door, I unlocked it and stepped into a familiar smell that was like a slap to the face. An almost rude wake up call. I had missed that smell so terribly. Standing there in the doorway and taking it all in, I remembered suddenly that there was something I had forgotten. A knick knack if you will, but it was something that meant a great deal to both of us. Walking back outside to my car, I grabbed a piece of paper from my glove compartment. It was worn, had spots on it, but it was magical... Going back inside, I left it on the kitchen counter and then returned to the hallway, just standing there and looking at all the photos and memories it contained. My phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket, it was from her. A text mess

I want to ride on a summertrain, taking me away, into the breezy evening. I want to go where the light shines from within, where the dreamers can go and be safe. I want to ride on a summertrain. Leaving the worries of long days behind. Instead of worry, I reach out of the windows to catch fireflies in my hand. I want to ride on a summertrain. Escaping what little world I am holed up in. Entering instead, a world of possibility. Darkness has the potential, of everything. I want to ride on a summertrain. Feeling the cool air flow through my fingers, promising me better times. There... There I will be free. Love + Blessings

Wanted to share a really interesting dream I had last night. I just barely heard the final words of the dream and the sentence has been stuck in my head all morning. Without sharing too much of the dream, I will give you an outline of what essentially happened. *** Standing in the large room, some kind of foyer or hall, I look to the double doors that lead outside. I see someone that I recognize through the windows, and for some reason I turn away. The person is someone I think highly of. I find a table with a friend close by me, we put our bags on top of the table as we wait around for something. I don't know what it is yet, but my thoughts are interrupted by an incoming text message. My friend grabs my phone, looking excitedly at the message it contains. "He texted you!" my friend exclaims. I honestly have no idea what she's talking about. She shoves my phone in my face and I see the said text. I read it while I mouth the words at the same time. He wants to han

June is almost coming to an end, and I haven't been diligent in writing on my blog. The reason is, that I have lacked things to write about. I am just now able to sit down and think of words that have any meaning to me, which is a great feeling. My first blog post back from obscurity will be doing a review on a movie I recently saw at the movies, so here goes. "Snow White and the Huntsman" As most people know, Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame is in this movie. I have to admit, I came prepared to hate her guts when I decided to go see this movie. Yet, I found her very entertaining and she conveyed with great ease, the feelings of Snow White. So no, I actually did not end up hating her performance. Apart from some accent slip ups, she did incredibly well in this role. When that girl smiles, her whole face changes to that of a woman with an incredibly angelic face. I can not explain it, but she seems like her  when she smiles. The moronic pout she sports in Twilight is

In the quest for love, I believe that kindness is the biggest gift you can present to anyone. If for nothing else, just to see that smile reach across their features and it fills you with a sense of calm and gratitude. There is no reason not to be kind, because we have the capacity to impact everyone we come across in a positive way. Be it with courtesy towards a woman who is struggling with her groceries and you help her carry them or a child longing to belong. I believe that cruel actions are the easiest in the world. It takes a very small person with no sense of compassion to inflict pain on someone else. Every single day I am breathing, I see kids upon kids terrify each other. For whatever reason, we have an abundance of kids who grow up to be afraid of the world around them. I know that the many terrible tales of suicide we hear in the media, are just a fraction of what really goes on out in the world. From my own experience, I know that such a thing did not seem so far fetched.

Surrounded by a familiar theme of fighting against the current. I seem to be drawn to the everlasting struggle of keeping afloat. In many ways I know why this is. It's His way of telling me to fight back. Grow a backbone. To not let the negativity keep me from the things I want to attain. Someone told me not too long ago, that when one is on the cusp of something great, negativity will find you in any way it can. Be it friends that are disappointing you, family treating you differently because change is hard to deal with. Or the feeling of inadequacy in any and all things you once felt so confident about. It is a disease that can cripple you and interfere with all of your hopes and dreams. The trick is to look the other way. Forget the naysayers that said you could never amount to anything. The venomous tongues that try to slither their way into your heart and poison your spirit. They will only succeed if you let them... I used to tell myself that everyone was right. I woul

I give you a short excerpt from a story I've begun writing. I give you the excerpt because I have too many ideas and not enough time to finish it for publishing here on the blog. So, read on and hopefully enjoy. Lot of autobiographical stuff in there. The name of the story is "Terrified": Samantha, or Sam for short, had a great life. That is after she escaped her horrible childhood. Sam was not an ugly girl, nor was she a beauty queen. Her appearance did not put people off or make them spontaneously comment on her ravishing looks. But she was one of the most generous people you could ever have the privilege of knowing. This is directly because of her childhood. See, Sam was sort of the odd person in school. Not the popular cheerleader with a handsome quarterback boyfriend, and yet she was not the typical forever alone either. Sam liked to keep to herself and find escape in things that did not interest her female peers, which is why she was singled out as often a

A heads up, I'll be posting a short story tomorrow because I want to practice my skills a bit with a shorter and more impactful journey. Hope you like it when you read it! Until then, be safe all.

So - I see a lot of people "dreading" the coming Valentine's Day... Honestly, I couldn't care less about this day. When I was in a long term relationship I'll admit that I, in the beginning, expected my partner to get me something on Valentine's Day. I soon realized that it didn't mean as much as when he just surprised me on an ordinary day with something out of the ordinary. In reality, Valentine's Day has nothing to do with love or appreciation. It's a corporately structured "holiday" where industries try to put an emphasis on one day where your partner "should" show his appreciation for you. Why would it matter on this particular day and less on other days? Ridiculous... Okay, I'll level with you guys. I believe in true love. Yeah I know what you're gonna say. Blah blah, women believe in true love and they always have. They want that knight in shining armour to come rescue them and won't give anything less than

I got a lot of great things from the 21 days of fast from social media. Thing is, because I live where I do, and I am still currently looking for a job, my time off of Facebook and twitter seemed longer because I didn't have anything to fill my day with, in terms of a job or school. Had that been the case it would'nt have felt so crippling and like being cut off from everyone. Now that I'm back on the social media sites I can honestly say that it feels great. I've caught up on events in my friends lives and contacted a few I haven't heard from in a long time. Plus, the people that live overseas, I have kept up with those friends as well. It's easy and it feels great when you get that little red notification mark on your Facebook and you know that there's something waiting for you to look at. It's a weird thing. I'm sure not everyone cares like I do about that little red number, but I know for some it feels good to see it. Other than having the ti

Half an hour till I've had my last day in this experiment. I'll write up a longer blog tomorrow which will detail better what this experiment has meant to me. For now, I'm just glad I can say I've stuck to my idea and tried as best I could to do the things I wanted to do instead of spend time on Facebook and other such sites. Cath y'all on the flip side! Tip of the day: "The Thing" (2011) is a pretty great flick. Ties into the 1982 flick with the same name, pretty darn good. I would recommend. Love + Blessings

I've had a great day today. Visited my friend Kristine and we just ate great food, talked and watched great movies and some not so great. I love my friends more than anything. Especially the ones you can just be yourself with, without question. Those are the best. I don't know much else to say, than this experiment has taught me that I have amazing people in my life. In far away places and near to me. I think that's one of the meanings of life. Having friends that will be there for you when you need them. Friends who love you. I am blessed in that way, yet sometimes I forget it. Not on purpose, but I'm going to try to be better at that. Tip of the day: Whatever you do, don't watch "The Woman". The most horrendous and screwed up movie I've ever seen. Coming from someone that's watched "Human Centipede". Love + Blessings

I'll keep this short. This year has brought forgiveness into my life. Both giving and recieving. I am truly grateful for this, and won't waste it. There is hope. It is never to late to change your life or someone else's. Remember this, because it is one of the most valuable gifts you have in your possession. Be safe, and be loved. Tip of the day? That's easy. Be kind... It costs you nothing, and it will brighten someone's day. Love + Blessings

I got my hair cut today. Did the old pamper and please package. Getting my hair done and cut feels greeeaat! So it's money well spent I would say. It's sometimes the little things in life that makes it better. It doesn't take much really to enhance your life quality. That's what I like to do. Also, I got myself a preowned copy of Gears of War 3. Oh, I got my priorities straight! Getting my hair did and the suiting up with some awesome gaming. Looooove it. :D and I'm such a nerd. I've played co-op with my brother for part one of the first act, and it looks very good so far. So I can't wait to get more playtime on that. I still have to finish Skyward Sword, but I'll do it. I love my games! Had an awesome dinner with my friend Line! We bought a bunch of good tapas stuff (Brie, olives, three types of sausage and lots of other things) and drank red wine. It was so great, we just talked all the way through dinner and had dessert as well which was her homem

It's within you... That happiness you're searching for. It won't come by plane, car or magic tricks. It is within you. You just have to embrace it and be the best you. If you find happiness within you, then it will fill every part of your life. The friendships you have, the career you want. Because I believe it's true what they say, if you don't like yourself, then who will? In the end, the only person you have to thank for what's happened in your life (not including accidents or losing people) but your own personal feelings and journey, is you... You are the master of your fate. Even if you - as I - have faith you are still in control of your own life. That's the beauty of life, you have the tools to make it a great one. It doesn't mean that you've failed if you feel you haven't fulfilled your potential, but you are aware that your life choices have led you to a certain place and that you are actually capable of changing it. That's my bel

As I'm now in the home stretch I am getting very antsy about getting back onto the grid if I may... In some way I'm having withdrawal from Facebook because all I've heard in commercials today is "facebook this and facebook that". You don't really realize how much Facebook is integrated into everything. Newspapers, tv commercials, it's all over the place... It's getting kind of frustrating to me. Even my brother is starting to notice how much Facebook gets mentioned in both news and commercials. It's quite ridiculous actually. On another note, I just received my "Millennium" box set from Amazon, and I love that tv show. It is seriously one of the best crime/paranormal drama's in the realm of tv. Plus, Lance Henriksen is just one badass dude in this show. All episodes are an hour, so it takes a while to get through 3 seasons of it, but I am more than looking forward to spending an hour or two in his company. He's a very compassion

I have nothing interesting to tell today... other than, I have about six days left of this challenge. And... that is all. Okay, I'm a total buzzkill, and I have been for most of today. Just in a really foul mood. It'll pass. On to the next! Tip of the day: Watch "The Terminal" - one of Tom Hanks' best movies, hands down. Love + Blessings

The funny thing about taking time off of Facebook and other social media, in reality just means you spend that same amount of time on something else... You substitute one addiction for something else. In my case, I've spent much more time watching tv then I used to do. Honestly, I feel like I got more out of being on Facebook and Twitter, in terms of recognection from your peers and friends, than I do watching tv. The tv doesn't tell you that you're funny or that quote you just thought of, was really insightful. But that's besides the point really. Facebook has become an integral part of life for a lot of people. Even companies that have fan pages and the like. It's just something you have to deal with on an everyday basis and it means if it becomes too much, you have to cut down and manage your time better. I guess that's what I've learned. I need to manage the time I use on stuff, a lot better... It's vital really. So that's my goal to get that

I don't know if I'm just a magnet for stupid drivers but I seem to encounter them extremely often these days. I've cut down on my usual swearing and annoyance because if won't change anything anyway. But when I get annoyed, I drive exactly as much as the speed limit says to annoy the person behind me, who is constantly up in my behind and pestering me. It's childish and immature, of course I know that, yet sometimes it just is what it is. To show them that the way they are driving could cause an accident if they didn't be more careful. I'd rather drive slow and have them overtake me, than let them pressure me into driving unsafely myself... I wanted to write more for this post, but... I've had so many things on my mind today. My dad had surgery for the second time and it went well. Thankfully. Now I feel I can finally calm down and get structured. He will have to recuperate for a while and then go home. I can't wait. He's been through enough ho

I've been put through a multitude of tests these past 12 days. It's weird. A test of strength and patience. A test of courage. A test of acceptance... It's been a tough road, but it won't knock me out. See, fear is a killer. If you fear something it means you've let it conquer you. Of course you can't escape fear for all of your life, but you can decide what it does to you. If you'll let it affect you or you'll just look the other way. The way of strength and carrying on with life even if it gets hard and difficult. I believe in karma, as in, what you put out into the world you will get back. I try my very hardest to bring love and joy with me. Live a life that is full of grace instead of anger and petty feelings. And even though some days it feels pointless for a second, I will never stop. Because one day, that love and grace will find its way back to me and envelop me. I've said it time and time again, that I believe in paying love forward, or

I'm incommunicado today. Don't ask... Love + Blessings

STOP SOPA!

Five things I like: • Cooking in the kitchen. • Playing video games. • Hanging out with friends and preferably laughing. • Writing something that hopefully resonates with whoever reads it. • Working out and the way my body feels afterwards. Five things I loathe: • Bad drivers on the road. • Walking anywhere when it's raining. • Watching a movie that is completely irrational or predictable. • My phone freezing up when I have an incoming call. • Facebook.......... That is all. Love + Blessings

So I reached the one week mark yesterday. Honestly I only remembered it right now. It feels like a million years ago. I don't know, I guess time has been moving painfully slow in some way. No idea if that's good or not, haha. Did some great cooking again today. Stuffed pork chops with potato crisp thingies and a good sauce. Plus salad on the side. We made some more cocoa buns as well, but this time we made it with chocolate milk. Still didn't taste sugary but more like an ordinary bun with a browner color. I think we need to make it much sweeter. Either add some sugar or make it into some kind of pastry. They taste great, don't get me wrong. Just not what you are expecting when putting chocolate milk into the batter. Seems like the more we try baking in the kitchen, it makes me want to try better dinner cooking as well. This evenings dinner was really great. Especially because we had the salad there as well. Helped with keeping the meal a little lighter. It was delici

I started today, finally getting back on track with my sleeping cycle. I woke up at a much better hour today than the last 5 days, which is really healthy. Also, my youngest brother and I made home made deep pan pizza and cocoa buns. It was really great to be in the kitchen and make something from scratch, plus it's incredibly rewarding to eat something you've made without anything that's premade. Hopefully tomorrow we'll go back into the kitchen and make some great stuff. I want to make something great for tomorrow night and dinner. I'm thinking something with either chicken or pork chops. And I reall want to make some salad to accompany dinner. It feels great to have something lighter with the rest of the meal. Anyway, I can't believe I've reached forty hours on Skyward Sword. I've been playing through some side quests today and even though it's not been the most interesting things I've done (finding baby rattles and giving stamina potions to

Wondering when I'll feel completely lost behind a wagon, regarding Facebook and such. So far I notice how many times a day people throw around the word "Facebook" or my brother who mentions Reddit a couple of times a day. It kinda sucks that he and I used to laugh about something we'd both seen on Reddit. But now that I'm taking this break I can't seem to keep up with all the awesome things on there anymore. I now live vicariously through what he tells me is happening on the site. Ridiculous, no? I believe so. I remember in 2007, I was sitting in class at the uni and doing boring stuff... Not really paying attention to the teacher or what was being talked about in general. A great friend of mine had sent me a link to this new site called "Facebook". I had no idea what it was and didn't really understand the point of the site. My friend Kim just said I would get addicted to it. By the time I got it, it was widely known in the states, but I don&#

So, no Facebook dreams last night. Whew. And I slept through the entire night, it was quite good. The fifth day has been really amazing. It's weird to explain. I tried something very out of my comfort zone. I almost even cancelled the whole thing, but I felt I had to go through with it. And I'm so grateful that I did. I've come away with an experience in my backpack that I now can't imagine not having experienced. Everything in my life has led up to a certain moment whee I needed to let go of inhabitions and just open myself up. As I said it was very very much out of my comfort zone and even extremely challenging for me. I guess I always weigh my actions by thinking how other people would look at me if they saw what I was doing. In this setting I was in, I had to just completely let go off every thought and just be in the moment. I won't go into detail with what I did, because it is something still very personal and I'm going to keep it close to my heart for j

Had the most annoying dream last night about checking my Facebook. There were like 48 messages in my inbox and I was scared to check it if something bad had happened to a friend of mine and people were trying to get hold of me. So it was like an extremely stressful dream and I can't remember much past that I felt stressed and someone had tried to contact me. When I woke up I was like, really depressed in some way. Honestly I felt like if I tried to look at my facebook there wouldn't be anyone contacting me or asking where I am. It's like facebook has become this place you NEED to be if you want to still have friends. It sounds so silly, but I felt out of the loop and that made me very frustrated. I think when these 21 days are over I'll have to monitor my Facebook usage. I would have to check it maybe once or twice a day, but no more than that. Not even to see if someone has responded to a message on there, because that would be cured by turning on email notifications

So, Day 3 is over with. Right now I'm feeling an itching to go onto Facebook. One of the forums I'm part of, I read something that was reposted from Facebook. So in a way I feel like I've missed out on something. And it was actually a very important thing I missed out on. It's frustrating that it went past me because I'm having this fast from Facebook. But I'm trying to stay strong and not fall into the trap of Facebook. Because I feel good about not being on the site all the time. It's giving me space and to be completely blunt, you realize which of your friends want to actually have a true friendship with you. Keep in touch with you other than on Facebook. I do believe though that Facebook is good for keeping in touch with people that live far away from you and that you can't text or call on a regular basis, but the people you actually have a possibility of seeing everyday I feel have become jaded by the whole Facebook generation. It's easier to ju

So, day 2... Not much different than yesterday. I've not felt weird with not checking Facebook, twitter or reddit. I've sort of forgot about Reddit and Facebook is but a distant memory. Although I feel like I've been "offline" for much longer than only two days, I feel fine. I've still managed to Skype with a few friends without contacting them via Facebook. I've emailed fine. People do respond. Just as "quickly" as they do on Facebook. Twitter is useless to me at the moment. I'd rather post something awesome on my blog than spend ten minutes going through tweets. So I guess I'm kind for figuring out that I could do with going on these sites. Instead trying to pick a time for when you check it. In that way you won't constantly go on and freak out to see if anyone's commented on something. Sent you an FB message. Actually. I think that turning on email notifications would be a good idea. In that case. Anything that's really i

The first day of my challenge is coming to an end as I type these words. It's been surprisingly easy to stay off the social sites. A little harder to stay off Reddit, but I haven't succumbed to the desire to check... Not even once. I find that a little surprising actually. When I grab my iPad to check something out on wikipedia or IMDb, I found myself continually tempted by my bookmarks on the bookmark bar of my browser. Several times my finger wandered over to the "Facebook" bookmark. It's purely out of habit, but I stop myself from pushing the link. After a few times where I'd almost pushed the link, I deleted all the shortcuts in my bookmark bar. This helped immensely. Now I don't even think about it when I open my Safari browser. I've also just deleted all of the shortcuts in my Chrome browser. It's a relief. Because you don't see those small icons that you feel you've become addicted to. It's much easier to somehow "forget&q

My rules are as follows 1. No typing in the URL of any of the following sites. - Facebook, Reddit, Twitter or use the app Instagram. Not even to see what anyone is doing. Keeping yourself completely off the grid so as to not be tempted to write something or post something. 2. Spend whatever time you would normally spend a day pressing "refresh" on any of the social media sites, to explore something you really love. In my case, reading actual books (not on the Internet - it's okay if it's a kindle.) Go outside to take pictures of something. Pick a theme for the day and try to capture as much as you can within that theme. Finish the short story project I started. 3. If you watch tv, limit it to either news and one movie per day, that is if you watch movies with your family or friends on a regular basis. 4. Eat a varied diet. Try the best you can to work something new into your diet that you havent tried before. 5. Lastly, make a schedule for yourself, t

Thinking about my dad right now, before I sleep. He's gone through major surgery today and thankfully it all went according to the plan and he's going to be okay. It's been hard to focus today because I was thinking about him so much. Then I started pondering over what he finds amazing in me. Suddenly I remember a conversation we had just before he went back to Scotland with my mom. We were talking about how he was nervous about the surgery which is normal. Then offhandedly I stated that I'd never been under anesthesia. And my dad said, oh yes you have. I was like, huh? Why can't I remember that. Well what happened was I had some kind of ear infection and they had to put in this drain thing in my eardrum. Basically that hurts like shit so they put me under for the procedure. I was around 3 or 4 years old. So I guess that's why I can't remember. It's quite a funny story though. My dad had pissed the doctor off because he told him that he'd read that