"Somewhere Love Remains"
Thinking about my dad right now, before I sleep. He's gone through major surgery today and thankfully it all went according to the plan and he's going to be okay. It's been hard to focus today because I was thinking about him so much. Then I started pondering over what he finds amazing in me. Suddenly I remember a conversation we had just before he went back to Scotland with my mom. We were talking about how he was nervous about the surgery which is normal. Then offhandedly I stated that I'd never been under anesthesia. And my dad said, oh yes you have. I was like, huh? Why can't I remember that.
Well what happened was I had some kind of ear infection and they had to put in this drain thing in my eardrum. Basically that hurts like shit so they put me under for the procedure. I was around 3 or 4 years old. So I guess that's why I can't remember. It's quite a funny story though. My dad had pissed the doctor off because he told him that he'd read that doctors were just doing this procedure as a go to thing, and that most of the time it was completely unnecessary. Needless to say the doctor did not like that at all. So when the time comes and they have to put on the mask for me to fall asleep for the narcosis or whatever it is they do, I rip the mask off my face and spit the doctor square in the face... Also they were about three people holding me down for this. Crazy. I guess I was kind of hysterical. It's still funny to me that I spit him in the face. Of course the doctor liked me dad even less after that episode. But my ear thing got better so that's good!
After my dad shared that story I was like, man I was a feisty child. My dad agreed. When I was a kid I had what most people only develop later in life. A personal space. My dad recalled that if I was sitting in a sandbox with another kid and they came closer than my taste, I would smack them with a shovel or what I had available. I wasn't a violent child at all, I just really had some funny quirks.
The story I loved the most though, was from when I was a lot older. In High School. It was winter time and usually the older grades makes these "death lists" about which kids will be pummeled with snow in the school yard. It was all the unpopular kids and it was honestly just a very mean thing. Well, I was found to be on such a list one year, and all the parents of the kids on the list decided to speak up and call for an emergency meeting. Which I think was a good thing. I was told to come as well since I was on the list, my dad accompanied me. I can't remember if any of the other kids on the list wanted to show up, but their parents were there. So we start talking back and forth about the list and how it's completely not okay for anyone to systematically choose who will be bullied while they're in school. A girl who the school found out had written the list (together with a few others) had shown up because her parents had forced her to. I can't remember much of what happened at the meeting. I remember being angry. Disgusted at the parents of the girl who'd written the list, and sad for all the parents who had kids that were being bullied day in and day out.
This next thing is what my father told me happened. I had apparently had enough of all the "sorry this has happened" and decided to speak up. According to my father I took over that meeting. Talked my case and everyone just went silent and listened to me. I could tell my dad was proud of me when he told me this. And it was such a good feeling. I do remember speaking up, not much about what I actually said, other than this. The girl that had written the list, I challenged her and asked what the point of it was. What did she get out of it. She said that my name being on there was actually a mistake. There was a girl in our school with a name that only differed one letter from my own and hers was e one that they had meant went they'd written the note. I remember being annoyed at this... It seriously does not matter if I was "supposed" to be on the list or not. Fact of the matter was that that list should never have been written in the first place. And I told her that I thought she was a weak person for agreeing to write it. She didn't say anything after that.
So I find myself sitting here, thinking about my dad and how much of him is in me and how much I love him. I have his fighter in me. His soul and compassion. I also have his temper and stubbornness, but I like that in myself. As long as I don't hurt anyone I am fine with not being perfect. Because nobody is perfect and striving for it is a lost cause. All you can strive for is to be the best YOU. I know I have plenty of short comings, but being aware of them helps me to be a better ME. That's all I can ask for.
Love + Blessings
Well what happened was I had some kind of ear infection and they had to put in this drain thing in my eardrum. Basically that hurts like shit so they put me under for the procedure. I was around 3 or 4 years old. So I guess that's why I can't remember. It's quite a funny story though. My dad had pissed the doctor off because he told him that he'd read that doctors were just doing this procedure as a go to thing, and that most of the time it was completely unnecessary. Needless to say the doctor did not like that at all. So when the time comes and they have to put on the mask for me to fall asleep for the narcosis or whatever it is they do, I rip the mask off my face and spit the doctor square in the face... Also they were about three people holding me down for this. Crazy. I guess I was kind of hysterical. It's still funny to me that I spit him in the face. Of course the doctor liked me dad even less after that episode. But my ear thing got better so that's good!
After my dad shared that story I was like, man I was a feisty child. My dad agreed. When I was a kid I had what most people only develop later in life. A personal space. My dad recalled that if I was sitting in a sandbox with another kid and they came closer than my taste, I would smack them with a shovel or what I had available. I wasn't a violent child at all, I just really had some funny quirks.
The story I loved the most though, was from when I was a lot older. In High School. It was winter time and usually the older grades makes these "death lists" about which kids will be pummeled with snow in the school yard. It was all the unpopular kids and it was honestly just a very mean thing. Well, I was found to be on such a list one year, and all the parents of the kids on the list decided to speak up and call for an emergency meeting. Which I think was a good thing. I was told to come as well since I was on the list, my dad accompanied me. I can't remember if any of the other kids on the list wanted to show up, but their parents were there. So we start talking back and forth about the list and how it's completely not okay for anyone to systematically choose who will be bullied while they're in school. A girl who the school found out had written the list (together with a few others) had shown up because her parents had forced her to. I can't remember much of what happened at the meeting. I remember being angry. Disgusted at the parents of the girl who'd written the list, and sad for all the parents who had kids that were being bullied day in and day out.
This next thing is what my father told me happened. I had apparently had enough of all the "sorry this has happened" and decided to speak up. According to my father I took over that meeting. Talked my case and everyone just went silent and listened to me. I could tell my dad was proud of me when he told me this. And it was such a good feeling. I do remember speaking up, not much about what I actually said, other than this. The girl that had written the list, I challenged her and asked what the point of it was. What did she get out of it. She said that my name being on there was actually a mistake. There was a girl in our school with a name that only differed one letter from my own and hers was e one that they had meant went they'd written the note. I remember being annoyed at this... It seriously does not matter if I was "supposed" to be on the list or not. Fact of the matter was that that list should never have been written in the first place. And I told her that I thought she was a weak person for agreeing to write it. She didn't say anything after that.
So I find myself sitting here, thinking about my dad and how much of him is in me and how much I love him. I have his fighter in me. His soul and compassion. I also have his temper and stubbornness, but I like that in myself. As long as I don't hurt anyone I am fine with not being perfect. Because nobody is perfect and striving for it is a lost cause. All you can strive for is to be the best YOU. I know I have plenty of short comings, but being aware of them helps me to be a better ME. That's all I can ask for.
Love + Blessings
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