"Sometimes I find your goodness staggering." - Nathan, One Tree Hill
I don't guard my life... If anyone wants to know something about me, they are more than welcome to ask me about it. For if anything I have experienced can help someone else in their life, why should I guard my experiences?
I love people. People that treat me with respect and know that a friendship is a two way street. In my experience, you won't get far without friends that love you no matter what happens in your life, and I can safely say I have people that would go through anything for me. I consider myself really lucky now, because my life hasn't always been this easy...
In my last post I recalled some of my childhood growing up and how it was to be me at that time. A couple years back I attended my high schools five year reunion. I was really unsure of going because I was going to meet people that had made my life very hard. I didn't know if I was strong enough to see those people again. I decided that I wanted to go, that I wanted to show them how my life was very different now and how far I'd come. Turned out to be one of the greatest experiences I've had in a long time. Realized that I was so far in my life than most of the others. How amazing my life had turned out compared to the people from my class. I still can't believe that the girl that tortured me the most, was following me around all night wanting to be my friend. And a guy that I had had a huge crush on who had humiliated me in school, tried to get me to sleep with him. If nothing else, it was so empowering to tell him that he could kindly fuck off. I'm not a mean person, but I can be very colorful in my choice of words, when I want to. If there's one thing you should know about me, is that I cannot stand injustice, when it's done to me and even more so if it's being done to people I care about.
After my horrible high school experience and one year at boarding school that wasn't much better I went to college and thought this is going to change my life. I still hadn't grown into myself at that point and was horribly shy and spent most of the time with a small group of friends. After two years I was finally beginning to see myself as a grown up. Started to phase out my baggy skater clothes, starting to care more about my apperance and feeling a lot more outgoing. I started going to parties, had my first experience drinking alcohol at age 19. Late bloomer... And before I knew it I was really happy.
I still have bouts of insecurity, about my appearance and my abilities. If I'm good enough and if people are sincere when talking to me. I think it will get lesser with time, but not completely disappear. I don't ever want to forget the time where I hated myself, because it makes it much more important when I now love myself more and more each day.
I'd like to end this post with a memory that still to this day makes me proud of myself. It's from when I was at boarding school. One of my dearest friends came into her room one day, crying because this asshole kid had called her fat in gym. I was furious!!! They could say whatever they wanted to me, but if someone made my friend cry I was going to give them a piece of my mind. It was this real popular kid too, like a couple of years younger than my friend. I marched over to his dormitory and knocked on his door demanding him to come out. When he finally emerged I ripped him a new one. He was just standing there looking scared of me, and I relished it. One of the most empowering moments of my time at that place. He apologized to my friend - I know afterwards they made fun of me for it, but I don't care. For those 5-10 minutes he was shaking...
Be good to each other out there, we're all we've got.
Love + Blessings
I love people. People that treat me with respect and know that a friendship is a two way street. In my experience, you won't get far without friends that love you no matter what happens in your life, and I can safely say I have people that would go through anything for me. I consider myself really lucky now, because my life hasn't always been this easy...
In my last post I recalled some of my childhood growing up and how it was to be me at that time. A couple years back I attended my high schools five year reunion. I was really unsure of going because I was going to meet people that had made my life very hard. I didn't know if I was strong enough to see those people again. I decided that I wanted to go, that I wanted to show them how my life was very different now and how far I'd come. Turned out to be one of the greatest experiences I've had in a long time. Realized that I was so far in my life than most of the others. How amazing my life had turned out compared to the people from my class. I still can't believe that the girl that tortured me the most, was following me around all night wanting to be my friend. And a guy that I had had a huge crush on who had humiliated me in school, tried to get me to sleep with him. If nothing else, it was so empowering to tell him that he could kindly fuck off. I'm not a mean person, but I can be very colorful in my choice of words, when I want to. If there's one thing you should know about me, is that I cannot stand injustice, when it's done to me and even more so if it's being done to people I care about.
After my horrible high school experience and one year at boarding school that wasn't much better I went to college and thought this is going to change my life. I still hadn't grown into myself at that point and was horribly shy and spent most of the time with a small group of friends. After two years I was finally beginning to see myself as a grown up. Started to phase out my baggy skater clothes, starting to care more about my apperance and feeling a lot more outgoing. I started going to parties, had my first experience drinking alcohol at age 19. Late bloomer... And before I knew it I was really happy.
I still have bouts of insecurity, about my appearance and my abilities. If I'm good enough and if people are sincere when talking to me. I think it will get lesser with time, but not completely disappear. I don't ever want to forget the time where I hated myself, because it makes it much more important when I now love myself more and more each day.
I'd like to end this post with a memory that still to this day makes me proud of myself. It's from when I was at boarding school. One of my dearest friends came into her room one day, crying because this asshole kid had called her fat in gym. I was furious!!! They could say whatever they wanted to me, but if someone made my friend cry I was going to give them a piece of my mind. It was this real popular kid too, like a couple of years younger than my friend. I marched over to his dormitory and knocked on his door demanding him to come out. When he finally emerged I ripped him a new one. He was just standing there looking scared of me, and I relished it. One of the most empowering moments of my time at that place. He apologized to my friend - I know afterwards they made fun of me for it, but I don't care. For those 5-10 minutes he was shaking...
Be good to each other out there, we're all we've got.
Love + Blessings
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