Pain

It doesn't matter,
how many times,
I tell myself to stop.
The feelings keep,
piling on and on.

It's like a,
never ending carousel.
Of whirls and whisks,
that take me on a ride.
I just want it to stop.

I feel fulfilled,
and yet I don't.
I feel satiated,
and yet I crave.
I feel whole and incomplete.

Will it ever make sense?
Will the pain ever ease?
Will the mind ever quiet?
Or will I forever,
be tormented by my past?

It's not my finest hour,
or my darkest one.
But it's a moment,
marred by wishes,
that never come true.

I wish I could stop,
the things I so crave.
They are not mine to covet,
or mine to wish for.
And yet here I pray.

I doubt anyone notices.
I've become skilled,
at hiding my aches.
So until someone asks,
I will continue to pretend.

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