You

I don't know if you notice the way I look at you. The way my eyes linger just a little longer than normal. The way you make me smile, in a way that I imagine is lighting my face up. I almost feel like bursting every time I see you, because all I want to say is how much your mere presence makes me feel at peace with the world.

I've always felt out of touch before, like I was born in the wrong time, the wrong place. I used to feel so disconnected with the world - like I just didn't belong here. Until I met you...

I wish I could just tell you what I feel inside, but I fear being hurt again. I fear being told I am not good enough. Not pretty enough...smart enough. I make due by pretending. Fake it till you make it, they say... I wonder if I will know when I make it? Will there be a difference?

I know I am putting myself up for failure having all these thoughts, instead of just living the life I have in front of me. However, this is who I am and I have made my peace with it.

I tried to change myself for someone once. It hurt. He didn't appreciate me before, and it didn't change after either. So, I made myself into someone else, until I couldn't keep the masquerade going anymore and I crumbled.

I know when my heart broke. It was that night, where I passed out from heartache. They say you can die from a broken heart? I truly believe that. I am lucky enough, I guess, that I no longer loved you like I used to, so the impact was less than what it could have been... But I shudder at the thought of anyone getting that close to me again.

And so my thoughts return, to you. The one with the bright smile. The kind eyes. The gentle soul but the fierce passion. You make me want to be better, just by knowing you.

I just wish I could tell you...