Anger
I think my family is one of the strongest reasons behind me wanting to have faith in myself and find the strength I know I have inside. We've been through a lot of things together and despite everything, for example teenage rebellion, we've come together stronger than ever.
A while back my youngest brother was run over by a car while he was riding his motorcycle, and I remember that day pretty well, for the most part. I was with a friend and we had just finished making our dinner and my dad calls me up, him and my mom had been on a buisness trip and had gone to bed really early so I was surprised that they'd called. Basically the first thing he tells me is that my brother has been run over by a car, and all I could think of was to scream. So I did. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, my breath was stuck in my throat and I didn't register what he said for a couple of seconds. He then apologizes for scaring me and said that my brother was okay, as much as he could be. He had called them from the hospital and now my dad was filling me in and telling me I should call him.
After we had said goodbye, I just stood there for a second. Almost unable to breathe. It was so surreal, to get a phone call like that. My friend came out of the kitchen and asked what was wrong and I told her, and started crying. She embraced me and tried to calm me down. I realized I had to call my brother so I excused myself and called him.
I knew I was going to cry when I heard his voice, but I did my best to keep it in, for his sake. He sounded fragile, scared and I just wanted to hug him. I remember he could hear my voice was cracking, "Don't cry sis" he said to me. Which of course made my voice crack even more. I asked him if he wanted me to come right now, and he did. . I said to him I would drive immediately and go get him home.So we put our food aside, I didn't even have any appetite anymore. So we got in my moms car and rushed to the hospital which was about 30 minutes away. It must've been the longest car ride in my entire life. Halfway there, I grabbed a hold of my cross around my neck and prayed. Prayed that he would be alright, prayed that he wouldn't have to endure something becasue of his injuries, just prayed that he was safe. My friend did the same. For a second, we just sat there in silence, I cherish that.
I finally reached the hospital and got to see my brother. He was lying in a room on a bed and looked so frail. It took all of me not to start crying right there. His clothes had been cut away and we talked about what had happened. How this asshole (I reserve the right to call him that, since he almost killed my brother and doesn't really care) clearly should've seen him but choose to drive out in front of him, making an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road. I was so beside myself with anger, little did I know I would get even more angry at this asshole.
We got him home after all his tests were done and I watched over him that night, gave him the pain meds he needed because everything hurt. My parents decided to drive the entire night to get home to him, and they came home at about 2am in the evening. It was a scary day.
Ever since then, I gradually got angrier and angrier when driving and just in general. The fact that some people just don't give a shit about their own and your safety. It actually got to a point where I would get so angry about something and just cry. For no apparent reason. It went on for a couple of months, and right before my trip to the states here in August, I got so frustrated with everything that I just sat down and cried. My mom tried to talk to me about it, but even I didn't know what was wrong. Since I've tried to work on it, and everyday it gets easier. I decided my life should not be spent being angry, because it's just too damn short for things like that. So slowly, I embrace the good days and the good things instead of focusing on people that are just not worth your time. I do get pissed still when driving and I see people being inconsiderate on the road, then I see my brothers crumbled up bike before my eyes and I have to breathe slowly to compose myself. In the end, the only one you can depend on is yourself.
I hope my brother is not afraid to get back on a bike someday, because I know how much he loves it, and I certainly want to get a motorcycle license soon too. I hope we can depend on each other and realize that even though some bad shit happened, we can come through on the other side. Take care of each other out there, we're all we've got.
Love + Blessings
A while back my youngest brother was run over by a car while he was riding his motorcycle, and I remember that day pretty well, for the most part. I was with a friend and we had just finished making our dinner and my dad calls me up, him and my mom had been on a buisness trip and had gone to bed really early so I was surprised that they'd called. Basically the first thing he tells me is that my brother has been run over by a car, and all I could think of was to scream. So I did. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, my breath was stuck in my throat and I didn't register what he said for a couple of seconds. He then apologizes for scaring me and said that my brother was okay, as much as he could be. He had called them from the hospital and now my dad was filling me in and telling me I should call him.
After we had said goodbye, I just stood there for a second. Almost unable to breathe. It was so surreal, to get a phone call like that. My friend came out of the kitchen and asked what was wrong and I told her, and started crying. She embraced me and tried to calm me down. I realized I had to call my brother so I excused myself and called him.
I knew I was going to cry when I heard his voice, but I did my best to keep it in, for his sake. He sounded fragile, scared and I just wanted to hug him. I remember he could hear my voice was cracking, "Don't cry sis" he said to me. Which of course made my voice crack even more. I asked him if he wanted me to come right now, and he did. . I said to him I would drive immediately and go get him home.So we put our food aside, I didn't even have any appetite anymore. So we got in my moms car and rushed to the hospital which was about 30 minutes away. It must've been the longest car ride in my entire life. Halfway there, I grabbed a hold of my cross around my neck and prayed. Prayed that he would be alright, prayed that he wouldn't have to endure something becasue of his injuries, just prayed that he was safe. My friend did the same. For a second, we just sat there in silence, I cherish that.
I finally reached the hospital and got to see my brother. He was lying in a room on a bed and looked so frail. It took all of me not to start crying right there. His clothes had been cut away and we talked about what had happened. How this asshole (I reserve the right to call him that, since he almost killed my brother and doesn't really care) clearly should've seen him but choose to drive out in front of him, making an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road. I was so beside myself with anger, little did I know I would get even more angry at this asshole.
We got him home after all his tests were done and I watched over him that night, gave him the pain meds he needed because everything hurt. My parents decided to drive the entire night to get home to him, and they came home at about 2am in the evening. It was a scary day.
Ever since then, I gradually got angrier and angrier when driving and just in general. The fact that some people just don't give a shit about their own and your safety. It actually got to a point where I would get so angry about something and just cry. For no apparent reason. It went on for a couple of months, and right before my trip to the states here in August, I got so frustrated with everything that I just sat down and cried. My mom tried to talk to me about it, but even I didn't know what was wrong. Since I've tried to work on it, and everyday it gets easier. I decided my life should not be spent being angry, because it's just too damn short for things like that. So slowly, I embrace the good days and the good things instead of focusing on people that are just not worth your time. I do get pissed still when driving and I see people being inconsiderate on the road, then I see my brothers crumbled up bike before my eyes and I have to breathe slowly to compose myself. In the end, the only one you can depend on is yourself.
I hope my brother is not afraid to get back on a bike someday, because I know how much he loves it, and I certainly want to get a motorcycle license soon too. I hope we can depend on each other and realize that even though some bad shit happened, we can come through on the other side. Take care of each other out there, we're all we've got.
Love + Blessings
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